You see, I tend to reflect on the past. I reflect on it so much that it makes me wonder how come I didn’t start professional counseling the moment I started questioning every move I made in life. Then again… I know why I did not. It started when I was a child. From grades K-12, we were assigned guidance counselors aka “paid snitches”. Yes, that may be wrong to address them as such things but in my opinion that’s exactly what they were. They were paid to sit, listen, jot down notes, judge and then take action. Now thinking about the term “guidance counselor” as an an adult, not once was there a reassurance of confidentiality and that was because the school couldn’t legally do such a thing. As a minor we had no rights and we had no privacy therefore if we decided to open up and speak freely we were unaware of what would happen next. I mean I can’t blame them because there job wasn’t to actually counselor, it was to guide. However now that I am an adult and I know that professional, adult counselors who counsel adults cannot break a legally binding confidentiality contract. A person needs to feel comfortable. I need to feel comfortable in a judgement free zone. It’s something that I believe that everyone needs.
A professional, adult counselor is someone who doesn't know you. His or her’s job is to listen, advise and not judge. Emphasis on the action word “listen”. They make suggestions without it seeming like they are forcing you to do something. These suggestions are also triggers for helping you to understand the how’s, why’s and what for? Unlike friends and family who you seek information from, a counselor will make a suggestions in the form of a question. A question that will spark a thought followed by (your) raised eyebrows. Followed by more thoughts. Then you’re like, “Heyyyy. Maybe I should (do that). Maybe I should stop doing that… OR maybe I should try...” For me, a professional guidance counselor rather it be online or onsite in my life during a personal situation is a breath of fresh air. It is also a need that I find myself wanting more and more of because of my tendency to reflecting on the past.
Reflecting on the past is something that I have done so much that it has mentally screwed me. I tend to overthink and play out situations in my head that past either 10 minutes ago up to 10 years ago. I think about the what haves, what not's, what if’s and how could I have done better. More like, how could I have acknowledged my happiness instead of my normal RBF and stale face. Noticing this pattern I tend to repeat, I am looking to stop this. I want to be in the moment, respond right then and there and not reflect on it later. I’m ready for a change.