Journaling, meditation and a cup of matcha-latte might be the morning routine of CEOs – but setting your day up for success shouldn’t only center on business and personal development. By crafting your morning routine for sex and emotional connection, you’ll be increasing the longevity and happiness of your relationship – and that’s certainly worth a few minutes in the morning.
What are morning routines?
We all have routines, whether we refer to them as such or not. If the first thing you do when you wake up is reach for your phone – that’s a routine. If you always put the kettle on before running off to the loo – that’s a routine. If you always give your partner a hug, before getting out of bed – that’s a routine, too.
Over the years, morning and evening routines (or rituals as they’re sometimes called), have become a bit of a staple in self-help books. The difference between these routines and the ones we do arbitrarily, is the intent and purpose of them.
Morning routines and rituals are designed to ground yourself before the day starts. By engaging in them, you can make good decisions and power through challenges throughout the day.
Why they can be helpful
While some people swear by their routines for their success both in business and in life – these rituals are, by default, usually quite self-centered.
Now – being self-centered isn’t something most of us strive for. In fact, self-centered is seen as an ugly word by most. But it doesn’t have to be.
Zoning in on yourself, your wants, needs, and challenges, is important for everyone around you, too.
If you’re completely unaware of what’s going on inside of you, chances are you’ll take things out on people, blaming the rest of the world for everything happening to you instead of taking ownership.
By using a routine or ritual to start the day, you can become aware of your feelings and thoughts, which in turn, might help your relationships.
Why you should establish one for your sex life and relationship
So – what do morning routines have to do with sex and emotional connection?
Potentially, quite a lot.
If the theory is that a few simple steps each morning helps set yourself up for success in business and in life – the same should be able to happen for your relationship and sex life.
As Ross from Friends reminded us about marriage in the ‘90’s: “…(relationships aren’t) all laughing, happy, candy in the sky, drinking coffee at Central Perk all the time!”.
Even with the 90’s come and gone, this statement remains true. Relationships and an active sex life usually take work and commitment if they’re to survive and thrive.
In sex therapy, I talk about this with clients a lot. Romantic movies have primed us to think of grand gestures and big statements as the true romance builders. And even if they can make a difference, it’s the small things that are the biggest game changes. Time is a rare commodity – and it’s easier to change a relationship through small routine habits rather than booking in a date night once every other month.
When you practise positive habits often, you may start to see a shift in your relationship from ho-hum to zing.
Enter – your morning routine.
How to create a morning routine for sex and emotional connection
By establishing a quick and simple ritual that focuses on sex and emotional connection, you can infuse your relationship with life.
The primary goal of your morning routine here, is to ground yourself in your relationship and prime yourself for sex. Because sex rarely happens spontaneously in long relationships, anyway. So it’s all about finding the path of least resistance when it comes to activating your sex life.
And part of this is all about your brain and getting it onboard.
A morning routine can be executed in many ways and it doesn’t mean having sex every morning (unless you want to, of course), or sparing 50 minutes each morning for deep conversation (because who wants to talk when they’ve just woken up anyway?).
Below are some examples of ways to feel close to your partner (even when there’s minimal time) and how to set your day up so sex more easily is in the cards.
A ritual for grounding yourself in your relationship can be:
- Taking a few moments to connect with a beautiful memory the two of your share
o This can be done on your own. Some might prefer to write it down, whereas others prefer to daydream for a minute or two.
- Actively thinking of your partner’s positive qualities
o These can be both physical or mental – either way you’ll want to focus your energy on the things they do or the way they are, that lights you up and makes you feel connected to them.
- Dreaming yourself away to a time and place where you can share romance and connection
o This one is all about the future. Fantasizing about things you’d like to do with your partner – even if really unrealistic or super simple – can make you feel closer to your partner.
A ritual for priming yourself for sex may include:
Fantasizing about a favourite sexual memory that involves the two of you
o By bringing these memories to the forefront of your mind, you’re prompting your brain to think about sex, which is important for a lot of people in order to spark sex drive.
Thinking about something or someone you find attractive
o Priming yourself for sex with your partner can mean fantasizing about other people or things that make you feel sexy; for example an outfit you feel confident in, or the barista who makes your morning coffee. Whatever works for you!
Reminiscing back to when you first felt that jolt of attraction to your partner
o This one is done best by tapping into how you felt in your body and mind. Where did you feel that jolt; in your stomach or your chest? Perhaps your partner literally made you feel weak at the knees?
Once your routine is well under way you might just notice more moments of conversation, warm cuddles, and hungry eyes.
The things you prime yourself for in the morning, more easily happen because you look forward to them; that cup of coffee you enjoy together or the look they give you when you come out of the shower in a towel.
Your morning routine takes care of your relationship and sex life with just a few minutes each day.
Prioritise your relationship and sex life
Morning routines can be a good way of starting the day on a positive note. If you’re interested in cultivating one – make sure to take everything into account.
Instead of just focusing on work or your own personal dreams, craft a ritual for sex and emotional connection. By doing this you’re setting your life and the life of your partner – up for success. Longevity and happiness in relationships are worth a few minutes of your time, and everyone has them to spare.
Originally published on LeighNoren.com