In this post we’ll be discussing the fear of judgement. I’ll be honest, I don’t really have much advice on how to deal with this fear as it’s still something I often struggle with, but instead I thought I’d share with you some of the thoughts which rattle around my brain whenever I try to conquer this.
Over the past year or so I have begun to take pride in the person I have become. I’m proud to promote my passions and I am no longer ashamed to publicly discuss my likes and dislikes. That being said one cruel or judgey comment from somebody and I quickly find myself digging myself into a pit of self-loathing and self-resentment.
My other-half will often ask me why I care what others think, and the simple answer is because I do.
To me this one of those unanswerable questions like, why do you like pineapple on a pizza or why are your eyes green? If we wanted to get all deep and psychological we could put it down to my overpowering fear of abandonment or the fact I never felt like I fit in as a child, but the bottom line is I care what others think about me.
Going back to the “not fitting in as a child”, childhood is hard. We spend our days with peers who have been thrown together by the simple fact that we’re the same age. We could have absolutely nothing in common with these other children, and yet we have to find a common ground to build the relationships which will see us through our teenage years. If you’re really lucky you’ll find somebody who shares your interests and passions but this is a rarity, hence why so many friendship groups fall apart after school.
In your attempt to fit in with your friends you may find yourself hiding certain aspects of your personality or perhaps fabricating new passions. For example over the years how many of us have pretended to love the latest band, when in reality we’d rather listen to nails on a chalk board?
The thing is, this isn’t exclusive to childhood. So many of us have a longing to be liked or accepted by our peers that we create a version of ourselves and promote the elements which we think will earn us to most friends or respect.
There is one big problem with this. The friends this created persona has earned are not YOUR friends. They’re only friends with the version you’ve allowed them to access. They can’t be your true friends if they haven’t been given the opportunity to get to know and love the real you.
We all have aspects of our lives and personalities which we don’t like or which we would like to hide, and that’s okay. I’m not saying that you should give all of yourself away as we know how greedy the world can be. For the sake of your sanity you need to hold back a little just for yourself, but you should never be ashamed of who you are. Growing up my Mum would often remind me that “the world would be a boring place if we were all the same”, and now I can see she was so incredibly right.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you to just get over this fear, because it’s A) unfair, B) hypocritical when I can’t do so myself and C) unrealistic.
Instead of asking you to make a false promise I’ll instead ask you to consider one thought. If you can’t accept yourself, how can you expect others to do so?
It’s our differences which make us unique and which make us special. It’s time we all start being kinder to ourselves and start taking pride in what it is which makes us sparkle.
If you do feel as though you're struggling and are in need of professional help, please head to see your GP as soon as you can. Nobody should suffer alone and it's so important to remember that you deserve to be happy. Sometimes we just need a little help to find happiness, and that's okay! I've attached a few links below just as a starting point.