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Lost Love Letters



    Collection of love letters I'll never send. I don't think I'll ever publish a memoir so here is a little piece of me that I hope to live on forever long after I'm gone. The pink envelope is from here.


    This post is structured after this poem but this isn't a poem. Just a list of forgotten things. 



    1; You were my first. First kiss, first tender skin to touch. My favorite memory of us is when I told you we'd get caught in the veranda with the elephant statues. But it was so fun. You on top of me, soft and warm. And the cold marble floor against my naked back in the summer heat felt such nice contiguity. Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea.  You had short hair, but you are still the prettiest girl I know, and no one compares to you even now


    2; We were each other's mirror. Until one day, it stopped. You were the first one to give me a dedicated playlist all to myself. Although my feelings for you have long been extinguished, I always remember the endless red letters you sent to me that brought me comfort when nothing else could.


    3; You always forgot about me, but there was one day that you didn't. I repeated that day over and over again in my head until the memories became threadbare. Until it's all tattered and I couldn't remember your laugh anymore and your voice that I loved so much.







    4; I remember you because you were after Axel. That private school we called home for years just suddenly disappeared. And I didn't know where to find you. Our classmates said you went to live in Japan with your mom. Your eyes were like a fox and I'd always be happy whenever I was near you. I felt like a small kitten carrying a small drum that wouldn't stop beating when you'd play with my hair. You'd tell me every time it was the silkiest thing you ever held. 


    5; You always smiled even when someone was being cruel towards you. I admired that about you. We almost had the same name. But you were cruel in your own ways, and it made me cruel too. It took a couple of years to wash you away. 


    6; I'm sure there were good things that happened here, but I don't remember them anymore. Even wishing someone to sleep well with glowing fireflies hovering near their windows, doesn't snuff out the unkindness you have gifted me on more than one occasion. But hey, no hard feelings, right? 






    7; I wish I knew what you meant when you said "It wasn't magical" without using those exact words. I thought I was over you but then I'd listen to this song, and I'd melt and imagine you and I slowly dancing under the Eiffel Tower, me pressed against you. There are days when I wished your blue eyes held me again instead of letting go so easily like water. Your script, which you've recently written; there was a sliver of me in it carefully preserved. Right?


    8; I loved your grey eyes. It reminded me of my favorite grey skies. I liked your mind a lot too. You solved that puzzle right away in the movie we watched together and I was intrigued. But you would always do things that scared me. So I stayed away. And I've concluded that I can not be with anyone who reminds me of the endless carousel where guys meet up with their ex after they are supposed to be with me. That has happened too many times.


    9; It's the end of the world. I hope you're all right. Even if we never arrive in each other's lives just like this letter, I hope you're safe. Someday when this is all over, let's resume our game of hide and seek, yes?


    Wouldn't it be nice if we had two wedding dresses and get married in a forest, if there are any left? And I guess if you happen to be a boy, we can fall in love inside cozy cabins, under white fluffy comforters in the new world. 


    To be honest, I'm not sure why I'm filling up this space. I've already made up my mind I'd like to be alone for a while. But future conversations are nice to have, even if they're one-sided at the moment. 


                   


       



    You can read volume ii here. 


    • Silvia C Silvia C :

      These were incredibly beautifully written. Raw and personal, yet weirdly relatable.

      1 month ago 
      • Mari Mari :

        Hi Silvia c: Awwww Thank you so much for praising my work.    

        I hope you're having a lovely day! x

        1 month ago 
    • Epsita M Epsita M :

      Wow Mari, this letter is truly poignant and touching! I literally had tears in my eyes when I read the no. 9. Beautiful  personal thoughts wrapped in this write-up. Love it💕💕

      1 month ago 
      • Mari Mari :

        Awww Epsita, thank you so much for appreciating my work :') It makes me happy to hear that you liked it. I've been loving a lot of the articles you've written too! They bring such light in these dark days we're going through! Thank you for writing them. Looking forward to more post from you   !

        1 month ago 
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