Why I am done with feeling guilty, and why you should too

Like many people out there, I worked my a*s off to get to the position I am today, to look the way I do, to build the experience I have, and to live a life that I am happy with. Yet, every time I have to acknowledge this, I feel the need to apologize in order to make people around me feel better. That is consuming a lot of my energy, so I decided to stop and be proud of what I have accomplished.

Yes, I am a woman and I have a management position!

I work in tech, so most of my colleagues are men, also in the management positions 90% of the time, men are the ones that get the job. It often happened to me to feel like I don’t deserve to be there, just because I am a woman. Also, sometimes I have this impression that I am a fraud and that I might not deserve this, a feeling that my fellow men colleagues never have.

So after 2 years of feeling guilty of the position and the role that I am playing, I decided that it’s time to acknowledge the fact that I am good in what I am doing, or so I was told, and that I have every right to be proud of what I have accomplished. Period.

I am not overweight, yet I do want to lose some weight to look better!

I am 1.65m tall and I have 57kg, I am not overweight, I am not skinny, I am not fit, I am just normal. Up until this year, I didn’t do any regular exercises and I didn’t follow any diets. It was my motto to try to eat as healthy as possible while still indulging every once in a while. Yet I was never happy with my weight, so I decided to try the intermittent fasting and do regular workouts.

It was not a surprise when I got criticized for trying to lose weight by some of the acquaintances that though I do not need this and compared themselves to me, making me feel guilty for implying. It’s true that some of these people do have a bigger problem than me, but it is a personal decision and I should not be put down for trying to do better.

Therefore, I am done with feeling guilty for the weight other people have and for the fact that I am doing my best to look better and be healthier.

It’s my money and I am working for every cent!

My tech job does come with a pretty nice paycheck, and although I know I am among the very lucky ones that get to profit from the IT boom, I will not feel guilty for the fact that I have been to a Computer Science Faculty and that I have worked my way up the corporate ladder in the last 10 years. Almost all the time I have kept two jobs to make sure I gain enough to feel secure and to be able to afford the things I want.

Talking about money with people is vulgar in my opinion and asking how much one makes is rude, yet some people will not be stopped by common sense and will still try to get that information out just for the sake of making you feel bad. I refuse to feel guilty for what I am earning and also, I refuse to feel bad for the people who just complain about money without taking any action.

Yes, I am comfortable with my salary and I am very much happy with the life I am having. I am also working sometimes 2 jobs to keep this going for me, so the rest of the world can take a seat, I am not interested in their opinion.

I am 30, I am not married and I do not have kids!

As I approached my 30s I felt pressure from relatives, friends that have kids or from society, in general, to get married and procreate. The fact that I am a woman doesn’t mean I have an expiration date and if I turn 30 doesn’t mean that I will fail my life purpose if I am not married or have a kid.

We all have different goals in life, if I don’t want to focus on the family part, it doesn’t mean that I will lose this train. And even if I do, that will only mean that it was my decision. I hate that as a woman I feel like I have to give explanations to others on what I want to do in life.

I have expensive hobbies and I am proud of them!

I am passionate about travel and I want to see as much as possible while I am still young. Also, I will not feel bad if I spend a lot in this area, it is what makes me happy.

Every time I take time off from work and I plan a more “exotic” trip, I get this pushback from colleagues or from my family, since they think I should be using my money in a way that would be better in their opinion.

Each time I decide to purchase something that goes under luxury items, I get judged for not investing my money better. It is odd how people are under the impression that if they were to walk in my shoes they would do some much better.

Yet in the last few years, I got thicker skin and I am no longer being touched by these comments, nor do I feel the urge to explain how the purchase was a good deal or to find some excuses for doing something that I wanted and paid for with my own money.

I only have a small number of friends that I want to have around

If in high school the coolest kids were in the big squads and had lots of so-called friends, as I grew older I realized that I do not have to put up with anyone's shit and I do not have to feel guilty in any way for doing things on my own.

Also, for me, a night out can be a huge waste of energy if the group of people is not one that I like or that I want to be around. During the last years, I realized that traveling with my SO is a lot better than traveling with friends and that the best experiences can be had with perfect strangers that don’t know or judge you.

My best friends are living in different cities and even countries, but that doesn’t mean I am lonely in the city that I am living in.

I love compliments and when I received them, I learned to say thank you

There are certain occasions when people come to you and compliment you only to make you feel obliged to say something back. I learned that if I don’t mean what I wish to say back, or if that person only says something to get something else in return, they will not get what they want.

Compliments should be accepted and should only be given if they are honest. As for the dishonest ones, the only thing they will receive from me is a thank you and a smile.

Since 2020 was the year I turned 30, I decided to learn how to read the people that are causing this urge to feel guilty and to stay away from them. Not to mention that I got to that point where what other people think and talk is purely their problem, not mine. All of my life I was told that I need to make a good impression and to make the people around me feel good, yet I feel like this has taken a whole new meaning when things started to feel bad for me.

We are not responsible for the happiness of the people around us and what we do and accomplish in life should never be a cause for us to feel guilty.

It’s true that some of us are luckier and that we should never intentionally make people feel bad or aim to parade our success just to brag about it, that line could be a very thin one, but the reverse should apply as well. None is responsible for the failures of others and we should not feel guilty in anyways for being successful in our own, custom way.