My Spiritual Journey Led Me To...Boston (part 2)

This post is the second segment of a series of writings I did while  traveling to Boston to attend Gabrielle Bernstein’s book launch for her seventh book, Super Attractor.  The excerpt below was written in my journal on October 25th, 2019.

Haven’t read part one? Check it out here

I didn’t decide to go to Boston. There was never a debate. The universe decided for me. I bought my $97 VIP ticket immediately. I knew I would find a way there somehow. I believe in how abundant I am, and I knew a way to Boston would present itself if I was meant to go (which I knew I was)

Random weird question: Have you ever forgotten that you have a credit card? Funnily enough, I have. A day after discovering the Boston book tour date I found a credit card that wasn’t activated in a pile of mail I had been avoiding opening. The credit limit was just enough for a flight and two nights accommodation. I admit, I flinched at the thought of accruing debt to attend, but a creative solution presented itself to me. I have absolute faith that a creative solution for paying off the credit card will also find me, but that I’m sure will be another story. Just like that, the trip was booked.

There were moments when I didn’t think it would happen. Challenges with childcare came up and my health also caused a last minute flash of doubt. I was diagnosed with a kidney and bladder infection the day before my flight. So, I am not at my best…but I am good enough thanks to strong, fast acting antibiotics Battling fear is all a part of the process. It felt for a moment that I was going to relive the nightmare of having to cancel a trip at the last minute due to an illness, just like I did months before when I was forced to cancel our trip to Disney World. 

In the moments I was having trouble choosing love and loving myself, Ian (my romantic partner and soul mate) kept choosing it for me. Love is contagious. The last thing Ian said to me as I hugged him goodbye at Airport Security was that he was proud of me for doing this for myself. I now see this trip as a celebration of my spiritual path… an entire year of new perspectives, lessons, challenges, goals, realizations, and beautiful signs from the universe. 

Why am I writing all of this? 

Yes, I am an avid journaler and memory documentation is important to me, but writing is something I have been guided to through my “chats” with the universe. I want to be a writer. Not necessarily a published author or renowned blogger, just someone who writes daily- to tell stories, ramble, and share inspiration. But, I have fear surrounding writing. Like I won’t be accepted or liked. I’m working through that. Right now. At this very moment. 

***

An interesting series of events has happened over the past couple of weeks. Of course, I’m going to write about it now: 

The First thing that happened:

For the first time in my adult life I have committed to meal preparation (I realize this seems totally random, but trust me, it will all come together in the end). For the past month I have cooked upwards of 5 new recipes a week and haven’t spent a cent on eating out. 

Cooking is something I have been uncomfortable with for years, but somehow (by choosing love), I’ve overcome this. Ian has been quite proud and amazed by me. 

One night while I was putting my daughter, Tessa, to bed he queued up the movie “Julie & Julia” on Netflix. It was a clever selection seeing as his new nickname for me was “Julia Child” as a result of my increased kitchen presence. I’m not a huge movie watcher, but I loved this movie. 

The cooking, I feel, is supposed to be the main attraction and appeal of the movie: A woman, some 50 years after the publication of “Mastering the Art of French Cooking”, commits herself to preparing all 564 recipes in the book over the span of a year…and blogs about it! The cooking aspect was entertaining, but the writing component of the movie is what really inspired me. Julie, the main (present day) character, found a way to write everyday, which was what she ultimately felt she should do with her life. Cooking was just a pleasant byproduct. She committed. She faced the fear of failure: the exact same type of failure I have had on repeat for years. I found myself relating so closely with Julie, especially when she cried out “I fail at everything I start!” I could feel tears in my eyes. I was watching a reflection of myself. 

Ian intended this movie to encourage my new cooking habit, but instead it set me on a totally different path. The one I am supposed to be on (cooking is just a pleasant byproduct). 

By the way, I am still cooking my meals and loving the kitchen rather than fearing it. 

The Second thing in a series of events that has occurred in the past few weeks:

I have an unpublished blog (which is now published, and you are reading it!). After a particularly vivid vision of me writing occurred during a meditation, I purchased a domain on squarespace and started a blog last January. 

The meditation guided me to picture myself “fearless & free” and a vision of me, at my desk, in front of my computer, holding a cup of coffee and smiling at the screen came to me. It took a while for me to realize this vision was of me experiencing a post writers high. 

As of right now, I have written 12 unpublished blog posts, along with several samplings of journal entries, but I have never once brought myself to have the courage to click “publish” 

“Julie and Julia” welcomed my hidden blog back to the forefront of my consciousness. The blog. Writing. The path I want, but don’t take. 

The third thing in a series of events that has occurred in the past few weeks:

November is National Write a Novel Month (abbreviated to NANOWRIMO). I have been more and more aware of this as the days wind down in October. I first heard of NANOWRIMO three years ago. The goal is to write 50,000 words in one month. Utterly disorganized and unready for the commitment, I wrote about 3,000 words in 2016. The second year, 2017,  I did it! I wrote 52,316 words in a compiled collection I called “The Energy Diaries.” 

Although I finished NANOWRIMO, the book itself wasn’t done. Life happened and I fell out of the habit of writing, never to finish the book I had already dedicated so many words to.

 To be continued….we’re landing in Boston. 

Check out Part 3: At the Hotel here