2020 has come to an end, so it’s time to reflect on the year and decide on goals to take into 2021.
2020 Roundup; the short version
It was the worst year in the history of EVER. Personally and globally.
2020 Roundup; the long version
Just when you think that my year couldn’t get any more depressing after I wrote my latest Lifestyle post ‘When it Rains, it really does Pour’ 2020 comes back like a nasty cold (da-dum-tzz get it? Because COVID?) and decided it wasn’t done yet with messing up the world.
The last time I wrote about how 2020 was going for me, it was July and I was complaining about everything that was going wrong with my life. But somehow I managed to finish the post with these questions;
What can I do to make the bad times be good?
Answer? You can’t. You just got to keep your head high and power on.
Where do I want to be in December 2020?
Little did I know that I would be depressed but feeling hopeful for 2021
What do I want to achieve by the end of this year? How can I get there?
What I ACTUALLY wanted to achieve was to have a job and be financially stable. Which THANKFULLY I will be on the road to as of January 2021. But It has taken waaaay too long to get any kind of job and it’s taking even longer to be ‘stable’
So… why am I depressed? Well, it’s simple. My Mum passed away mid-November. I don’t know if anyone has lost a parent but it hurts. And if I’m being honest, nothing else seems to hurt as much as this. I was told by Universal Credit (UC) people I would only be getting £66 from them in December because I had done a month worth of working so it was deducted, and that didn’t even hurt my soul as much as this hole left in my heart.
On the topic of UC, I had actually not been working since the start of November as I had to go home then… so to be told I had ‘earn’t’ enough to only be given a small amount was frustrating…
I could go on for hours as to why I am feeling numb, but that wouldn’t be the purpose of this post.
Besides the numbness, between July and December a few other big events happened.
I finished my masters degree AND I can confirm I will be graduating with a Merit (equivalent to a 2:1)
I moved in to a new place with my boyfriend which is SCARY BUT EXCITING! We have been here since September (even though I have been away so much it doesn’t feel like I’ve been here at all) and every so often I pause and think “oh my god… he STILL WANTS TO BE WITH ME!” and I think that is pretty damn miraculous.
I GOT A JOB!
So, as I write this it has actually been one day since I was offered a position at a sales and marketing company. I don’t start until the new year but I HAVE A JOB!
Can you tell I’m excited about that last point?
All in all, 2020 was a shitty year but had some redeeming qualities.
What about 2021? What are my goals?
WHERE TO BEGIN?!?! My main goal for 2021 is
TO NOT LIVE OUT OF A SUITCASE!
Want to know how many months I lived out of a suitcase for this year? 6 months. 6 months I have lived out of a suitcase out of the 12 in the year. Now I am looking at it, it is such a stupid thing to have to go through and perhaps the most frustrating part of this year. Not having my belongings within reach, and instead wearing the same 5 outfits for months on end.
A very basic one, but when you have been unemployed for a good 3/4 of the year you miss having a money security blanket. And because our estate agents are being assholes, my boyfriend and I are already talking about looking into buying a house. Let’s take a moment to let that sink in. We want to ADULT and BUY A HOUSE. That isn’t a goal though, because houses are expensive… but saving for a house? That can be my goal. And now I have a job (that I’m soon starting) I can finally put this into action.
Do more photography
This is more just a general thing for me. Because I have spent so much time moving up and down the country, dealing with so much heartache and waves of depression I have not had the energy or passion to do any photography. I don’t need to be taking pictures every day/week, but I do want to be doing something creative on a weekly basis. Be it editing, designing or marketing my prints.
I don’t want to give myself any goals that require too much from me, if that makes sense? Usually I would make goals like “Book more photoshoots” or “get business off the ground” but because of where I am mentally in my life, I don’t want to push myself and potentially throw myself into a puddle of depression because I gave myself too high of expectations. Instead, I’m going to keep things calm, relaxed and just let things happen. And I think that these three goals are the kinds of goals that CAN just happen, without my needing to do any major effort or thought behind them.
2020 was the year I lost a lot, and nearly gave up. I lost a loved one, I lost people who I thought were my friends, I put my trust in people who threw it back in my face when I was already in a terrible place… but it was also the year I hit massive milestones, and most importantly I learned who is truly there for me.
2021 is hopefully the year I can grow and develop. Who knows, maybe the world will explode, because why not? That’s the way 2020 has felt all year so why not in this last week of the year?
I joke. I kid. I jest. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Before I go, I want to also get it out there that I DO want to blog more. I have missed blogging so much over the past 5 months, remember the time when I said I wanted to post a blog every week? Aaaaaah the good times. While I don’t think I will be posting EVERY WEEK (as much as I would love to) I do want to post at least twice a month.
So let me know in the comments what your 2021 goals are.
How has 2020 treated you? Are you ready to see the end of 2020 just as much as me?
AU REVOIR 2020, YA BITCH!
Until next time,