Be Kinder to Yourself: Friendships

In this post we’ll be looking at relationships and particularly friendships. Throughout the post I’m generally going to refer to friends, but all of the points can easily be related to family relationships or even romantic relationships. Let’s get started.

The world is full of negativity, it’s full of pain and it’s full of suffering, but if you begin to look in the right places you’ll also see that the world is full of kindness, joy and of course happiness. If you’re feeling the weight of the world on your shoulder’s it’s definitely time to make a change and time to start being kinder to yourself.

When you’re feeling down it can be so hard to look for the positives in life. Surround yourself with a selection of positive people and they’ll help you seek out happiness and ensure the world’s negatives never become too much of a burden.

If you’re “friends” are the kind of people who always leave you feeling upset, angry or doubting yourself after any interaction, it’s time to start distancing yourself. I appreciate this can feel harsh, especially if the “friend” cannot see what effect they’re having on you, but your energy is much better spent on the people who deserve your attention, like the friends who constantly love and support you. Putting your energy into the positive relationships will make such a huge difference and in time you’ll realise just how toxic the others were.

Similarly if you can feel you’re a different person around certain friends, and you don’t like who you’ve become, it’s time to focus on the relationships which bring out the best in you. You shouldn’t have to change your personality to fit in. A true friend will accept you for who you.

I firmly believe that everybody should have somebody to talk too. If I know that somebody has nobody else to talk to, I can’t help but offer a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, but it’s taken me a long time to learn that this isn’t always the best or most helpful option. If you’re taking the weight off everybody else’s shoulders, your load will start to get heavier and heavier. It’s only a matter of time before you buckle under the pressure of everybody else’s issues. It’s not your job to be everything to everybody. I know this feels cruel but there comes a time where you have to start thinking about yourself. You can’t fix everybody’s problems and you’re not a bad person for putting your mental health first from time to time.

I’m of course not saying you should abandon your friend in their darkest time, but if you feel as though you’re out of your depth, help them find professional help. Most of us aren’t professionally trained councillors or doctors. If you’re really worried about your friend, instead of trying to fix their troubles, advise them to seek professional help. You could even offer to go with them, but it’s so important to look after yourself too. You’ll be no use to your friend if you burn yourself out. 

As important as it is to look after your valuable friendships, it’s also important to take a break every once in a while, We all seem to forget that it’s completely normal to want a break from social interactions from time to time. If you do find yourself needing to take a step back it’s important to not isolate yourself. Instead of freezing out friends, explain that you need a little time and you’ll let them know when you’re ready to talk. If they truly care about you they’ll completely understand. Hell, they may even be thankful as they know you’ll understand when the time comes for them to take a break.

Your friends and family love you because you’re you. They’ll love and support you during your highs and they’ll love and support you even more during your lows. If they seem to revel in your lows and try to steal in your highs it’s time to get rid. We constantly berate ourselves for our flaws and failures, we don’t need “friends” who join in. Surround yourself with the people who are determined to see you fly and you’ll be surprised at the difference within your happiness.

If you do feel as though you’re struggling and are looking for professional health please please head to see your GP as soon as you can. Nobody should suffer alone and it’s so important to remember that you deserve to be happy. Sometimes we just need a little help to find that happiness and that’s okay. I’ve also attached a few links if in case you were looking for help online.

Mind UK. 
NHS