Being "Too Much"

I don’t really enjoy touching upon negative topics on here, but because I do and will cover lifestyle topics, I figured this will be a good place to start. Now you’re probably looking at the title of this post and thinking “what does this mean?” This is exactly what I’m going to cover now.

So what do I mean when I quote “Being too much”? I mean people tell you that you’re overbearing and maybe sometimes consider you as “annoying”. Growing up, I’ve had people tell me this at face value. In relationships like friendships or family. Sometimes, I don’t even know what they mean, as I’m just being who I am. In recent times, I begin to realise how hurtful those remarks can be, depending on context anyway. If I’m having a banter session with say friends or family, and they tell me “ah, you’re so annoying!”, I don’t take offence to it, as I’m intentionally being a nuisance as contribution to the ensuing banter. I don’t like to ask for favours a lot, or ask for anything for that matter. Like when I ask my parents for money. Heck, I feel bad for waiters collecting my plates at a restaurant. Even though it’s their job, deep down, I go “damn, if only I could help out.” I’m not sure why that is, but I simply don’t want people to go out their way for me sometimes. When they do, I am eternally grateful. On the other hand, I realise sometimes when I help someone or am accidentally obstructing, someone tells me that I’m too much or I’m annoying them and I feel that they say this to put someone down rather than finding some other way of being respectful in saying that “you’re kinda in the way, my dude”. In secondary school, I was usually quite reserved and often stayed away from people. I had people, you know the guys at the (upper end of the student hierarchy) tell me how much of a bother I am when I don’t mean to be. I’d be out vibing, going about my day and perhaps unconsciously get in the way of someone and they have a go at me for obstructing, or try involve myself in an event for someone to discard me.

 When I want to help someone, I aspire for their situation to improve, for them to feel happy without getting anything in return. Now I’m about to go on a tangent here. Fairly recently, I noticed that I’d been taking care of other people more than myself. In a time where we’re all isolating and trying to bounce back from the turdhole that is this year, people can get agitated and be quite distant. I am the same, and I’m someone who tends to space out from the rest of the world a lot. Like I have my own reality away from this realm. But it doesn’t stop me from regularly checking on my friends and family to see how they are and better their days respectively. It’s something I do a lot, especially with someone I once really admired. When I do, I’d get mixed “YELP” reviews. Sometimes, we get into conversations and we’d have good catch ups. Other times, I’d be ignored and when I follow it up to express my concerns, I would get told off for it. And to seal the deal, I get told that “I’m too much”, “too overbearing” or that I’m “forcing it”. And I get the odd times when someone would formulate theories as to why I do what I do and think that there’s something I’m trying to gain from it, rather than taking it for what it is. What they don’t fathom is that is a total contradiction to my personality! Which does go to show that it’s not you, it’s them. Now I totally get why people would say/do this, especially in times like these and maybe they don’t mean it. 

However, I do get the psychological based impression that people may do this so they can get you off their backs for good. Almost as though they’re saying that “the only way for them to go away is if I say something harmful”. If that’s the case, that is pretty messed up and you should probably let them go. You shouldn’t have to put up with that behaviour, and I keep telling myself that I don’t want to keep defending their actions if they can’t keep it together. And I suppose that’s the issue with me. I take too much and I defend it. It’s not healthy, as you need to have your wits about you. You might also be thinking, "if people have said you're too much in the past, isn't that something on your end?"

Yes, it could be me, and perhaps I should work on it. As not everyone is appreciative of your good nature or will and that's fine. And no, because sometimes it's common curtesy to check up on people. However, some people do take it the wrong way.

I’d like to remind you that people go through things. They may be in a tough situation and would appreciate space. I find that even though I’d want the best for someone and hope to help them, I do tend to forget that space is what they need too, as I value it just as much. I get caught up in wanting to be there for people that fundamentally, what helps is having their own space. I am working on it and I’ll take pride in the fact that I have gotten better in that regard. But also, bear in mind that the fact that you’re doing so much in order to help someone else, especially when you’re struggling yourself makes you an absolute unit. MVP! We shouldn’t be taking crap for doing our best and doing what’s right by us. I don’t want to feel guilty for being who I am, nor do I want to get smack for standing by how I feel. The real ones will accept you for who you are and I am thankful for those who do appreciate the things I do/try to do anyway. No longer should you feel like a burden for being who you are or being there for someone. By the words of a hilarious Ty Logan, “I’m not missing out, you are!”

Thanks for reading!

I'd like to give a status update for those who do stop by a read my content. I've got a blog page in the works. I've been inspired long enough to make one, but I need to definitively work out what templates I'm going to use and the structure to accommodate. While it's great to use this platform to write, I'm aware that this isn't necessarily my domain and do not wish to take away any ideals or establishments (as stated in my disclaimer from the previous post). Until the site is done, please do stick around! ^_^