How to Fast-Track Happiness

What if there really was a magic pill for finding happiness? A psychological “eat your greens” equivalent for a healthy mind?

I work as a therapist, helping people to let go of anxiety, destructive habits, self-criticism and shame. Although every client is of course individual, there are certain trends that emerge in the behavioural and psychological changes made by those who swap self-loathing for self-love.

Some things are fairly predictable: people tend to get fitter, healthier, take more pride in their appearance and converse more freely as they start to feel better. Those things are all good. However, the two “traits-of-the-improving” that I find the most exciting are these:

1. People — even those who wouldn’t have listed this as a goal before they came to therapy — tend to engage more in their own creativity.

2. People get more giving.

There is a simple explanation for these things. As we let go of self-referencing states like anxiety and shame, we learn to face out rather than in. This happens because we stop feeling as though we need to withdraw into a state of protection quite so much. Then we experience less need to check up on how we’re doing at Literally Every Given Opportunity (you know, that incessant internal monologue that goes something like this: “How do I look right now? Am I attractive enough? Clever enough? Successful enough? What are people thinking of me? Am I wearing this month’s shoes??”)

As that kind of thinking fades (and no, I’m not suggesting it’ll disappear completely) we can enter, more often, into a state of growth — protection’s colourful counterpart. While in growth, we’re able to look away from our fragile egos to involve ourselves in the things that go on outside. Things like creative projects, other people, education, fun activities, joyful connections… life.

The human need to face out

Here’s the really wonderful thing about this. Facing out isn’t just the result of emotional wellbeing; it also creates it. By engaging in creativity and/or generosity, we can fast-track our emotional development by more effectively meeting our needs.

Growth and contribution, you see, are more than just nice add-ons for someone who already feels OK. These things are fundamental human requirements; we need them in order to feel OK. This is why “random acts of kindness” and creative tasks are often set as homework for therapy and coaching clients (you can view and take part in one of these health-inspiring creative tasks here: mindmonsters.online).