When it rains... it really does pour!

    If you asked me back in January how I thought 2020 would be… I would have been optimistic… hopeful for opportunities… how wrong I turned out to be.

    Let me just get this out of the way first… while I am very aware I have had some good moments of 2020, like my nephew turning one, the events that have occurred throughout this year- AND WE ARE ONLY IN JULY- is genuinely crippling most days. But I’m not knocking the good times I have had so far. In all honesty, it is these moments that keep me going.

    Lets talk ‘the bad times’

    Well, ladies and gents, fasten your seat belts because I’m taking you on a journey!

    • Lost my job in March

    • Had to move out of London in April

    • Spent between March and April stressing about finances because I was living up North with family when lockdown was enforced

    • Had to resort to going on Universal Credit to get me by (please bare in mind I have always worked… so not working is so difficult for me)

    • I am constantly poor (deeper issues related to UC and my current living situation which is affecting my income)

    • On the topic of my current living situation, I moved in to my boyfriend house in Bournemouth at the end of April but NOW the woman he lives with has decided she ‘doesn’t get on with me’ so she wants me out. So we are house hunting.

    • I’m constantly being rejected by job applications

    • I still have my final major project at uni to film… kinda difficult when I’m not in London

    Honestly? This has taken a massive toll on my mental health. So much so that I am even seeking counselling from my university to see if that helps.

    Ok, lets talk about the good times.

    I don’t want to focus too much on the bad times, because that isn’t going to get me anywhere. So here are the things that have happened so far in 2020 that have been absolutely wonderful;

    • My nephew turned ONE! I know this is how age works but my little nephew is one year old now! And I got to see him on his birthday which made me so so happy!

    • I am living with my boyfriend… like, we are actually living together and he hasn’t gotten tired of me?!?!?! Despite the drama going on where I am living, he has stuck by me and supported me every step of the way, and I could not be more grateful for him. I honestly think I love him more and more every day.

    • I am living in Bournemouth… and I know I listed that as a negative but in all honesty, the plan was to move to Bournemouth after I finished my degree. It’s just that Miss Rona and her pandemic had other plans for me. 

    • On the topic of my degree, I submitted a couple of pieces of coursework and I got a 1ST FOR THEM BOTH! I took a risk with creating a VFX piece instead of the safe option of writing an essay, but it paid off because I got a high 1st grade for it! And that has actually bumped my overall grade as it stands to a 1st… so providing I do well in my major project, your girl could be graduating with a 1st class degree! (21 year old me is so proud right now)

    • I have been focusing on my photography business more, I am now even selling my prints! Go check them out over at jadephotography.darkroom.tech AND I have decided to sell ebooks on Photography! You can find my Photography Basics for Beginners at the link provided and for £10 you get my intro book on my top photography tips!

    I honestly couldn’t have done that last point if it had’t been for the support of my friend Vada, who has been coaching me on social media and freelancing. Please, go check out her website, buy her ebooks, support this girl in every way you can because she is honestly something else! She is truly amazing! You can find her website here

    Looking at it now, while 2020 has been a pretty shoddy year I can look at the good times and smile. 

    I had actually written out this entire conclusion already but my computer decided to crash and lose all the unsaved work I did… thanks for that…

    Even though I have had the toughest year I have ever experienced, I am so grateful to have my amazing family, friends and partner who are there supporting every single thing I do. And by writing it all down, it is helping me to just get it all out there so it isn’t clogging up space in my brain.

     What can I do to make the bad times be good?

    Where do I want to be in December 2020?

    What do I want to achieve by the end of this year? How can I get there?

    I can only answer these questions by reflecting the bad times of this year and work on those things towards making them better. I do still have days where I lay in bed for hours on end, feeling like the world is about to cave in, but as long as I get back up and keep going, that’s all that matters right now.

    While this hasn’t been an informative blog post, I do think it is so important to have this self-reflection every once in a while. My brain space feel so much clearer and I feel like I have done something with my day… I have worked on myself. And right now that is what I need to do above all things.

    Until next time,

    R xoxo

    • Epsita M Epsita M :

      I feel so connected with you right now! The year 2020 has been the worst year for everyone in so many ways, but I've seen many good things happening too! I'm glad you looked at your life through the lens of gratitude even after going through so much, which is not easy! But self-reflection can help us move forward in life, if ever we feel stuck. Thank you for this piece of inspiration and I wish you best things and best time ahead. Keep moving forward ❤

      2 years ago 
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