I have been in love; I have been out of love and I have been in lust that I thought is love.
Dating has not been easy for me as a late bloomer but I still have hope in this ‘thing’ call love. That’s why I date, a lot. However, today’s post would not be about how to date efficiently. Instead, I’m going deeper to the next step – The relationship.
I am known for writing my online horror dating stories on IreviewUread. The countless amount of nut jobs I met in my singlehood gives me good content to blast to the world. When it comes to relationships, I tend to keep things a secret for I do not believe in airing my dirty laundry on the internet… until now.
In this post, I’ll be giving some relationship advice that I have learned over the years from different dates and different partners. Plus, I will be answering the lingering question of “Is the grass greener on the other side? How do you know if they’re the one?”
Is the Grass Greener on the other side?
When you are in a long-term relationship or the love of your life way too young, you will tend to wonder. Is this all life has got to give? Are things different if I was with someone else? Is the grass greener on the other side? Of course, this does not mean that you do not love the person you are with anymore. It merely means that you are curious maybe even a little bored. It’s safe to say that the honeymoon phase of your relationship has fizzled and everything between you two seemed like merely a routine.
Does that mean that you should abandon your person and find another? No. Being in a peaceful state is not a bad thing. Many couples hope to be in that state for that meant that you have compromise enough to be stable or you are a good match. That is a good thing, right? But why do you still wonder? As humans, we always want things that we could not have. For example, we have the blueberry but we see the raspberry so we want the raspberry. We abandon the blueberry and get the raspberry to only regret about abandoning the blueberry. Sometimes we even try to get a bite of the raspberry while holding on to the blueberry. In the end, both berries found out and you might end with none. There’s no easy way. The point here is to make a choice and choose to stick with it. The truth is, the grass is not greener on the other side. It is just different.
What do I mean by that?
There are positive and negative aspects to everything in life, that includes the person that you choose. Sure, your partner may not be romantic or never remembers to pick up after himself but he is responsible and admits his mistakes. As compared to another guy on the other side, that guy may remember and celebrate all your anniversaries and birthdays but he has a secret gambling addiction that you won’t know about until the second year of your relationship.
It is easy to idealise and imagine your life with this seemingly perfect person but everyone has a skeleton in the closet no matter how big or small. These skeletons are not visible to others at first sight but the more you know them, the more visible they are. It’s not about choosing the right person with the least number of problems; it’s about choosing the one that you are willing to battle their flaws with.
There are so many ‘ones’ out there but which ‘one’ are you willing to put up with? Ultimately, it is not about who is ‘the one’ for you but who you are willing to compromise with? Who do you want to go through the dark days with? Remember, every relationship has its own unique set of problems. Do not compare your relationship with another couple’s experience for they have their issues as well. A piece of personal advice that I wish to share from my relationship to yours is to not run to your friends and complain to your friends about your partner for those complaints may feel good now but they will build up over time. Eventually, the bottle will explode and there is no going back to save your partner’s reputation. This will affect the dynamics of the relationship greatly. Do not air one’s dirty laundry in public – unless you are in a toxic and abusive relationship.
Remember, love is a choice. You may fall in love at first sight but what you chose to do after you meet them is up to you. You have more control over your life than you think you do. With the assumption that you have met the person that you want to battle the darkness with, now what do you do to maintain a healthy relationship? There are 3 biggest relationship secrets that you must abide by.
In any relationship be it a friendship, your relationship with your parents and most importantly, your partner, communication is the key. Nobody can read your mind no matter how long they know you. If we are unhappy about something, we have to say it out loud and not throw a tantrum about it. I understand that communicating one’s feelings may be hard for people who had their feelings brushed off time and time again but it is important for the one that matters will mind.
Another thing about communication, communication is not about throwing out hurtful words that are ‘true’ but will hurt the other party. Communication is about telling the other party in a way that they can accept it. Empathy is needed when you are communicating with your partner. For you must always remember, the person that can make you the happiest will also make you very upset at the slightest comment.
Have empathy for your partner. This is something that I have difficulty with. I was brought up in an environment where negative emotions are discouraged. I tend to file my emotions away in a filing cabinet that instantly goes into the archives portion of my brain. That means I am unaware of what others are feeling most of the time. That caused various misunderstanding between my partner and me. When your partner is saying something, don’t brush them off as nothing happened. Acknowledge them. Put down your phone and listen to them and not act like you are listening. When they are upset about something that seemed small to you, go over and hug them for although your plate may be made of porcelain, theirs may be made of paper. Be empathetic about what they go through. Every achievement is an achievement worthy to be celebrated and every loss is a loss worthy to grieve. It does not matter how big or small they are. Be there for them.
Respecting your partner is not just saying ‘I respect you.’ Do not undermine them or do things that you know will make them question themselves. Put them on the same level as you. You are not better because you earn more, they are not better because they went through less in their life. All that does not matter for you both chose each other as equals so you have to respect your partner choices and do not treat them like a fool. Understand that they make a certain choice for a reason. If you are going to doubt all of their choices, should you start doubting why they chose you in the first place?
Lastly, it’s the little things that count. The note you left on his lunch, the kisses you plant on them while they are asleep. It’s these details that touch them and make them choose you over and over again.
If you are an overthinker, like me, check out my tips on how to stop overthinking.
Check out my previous article on how to tell if you are a bad or good kisser.
Finally, if you are craving for something light, check out the story of how my date proposed to me while we were naked in bed.