The Beauty of Motherhood- How to Be A Perfectly Imperfect Caring Mother

The experience of 'being mommy' is so beautiful, but the expectations that come along with motherhood is way too complicated than said. I know from experience how easy it is to project your fears onto other people, especially when you see them as so perfect and more together than you are!

"Our "imperfections" teach us how to be more aware of our strengths." And that's what exactly I've learned from my journey of motherhood- how to be a perfectly imperfect mother with lots of love, care, and affection in my heart.  

"Motherhood" - the most beautiful experience for any woman! New joy, new experiences, and a special opportunity to give life and nurture somebody- that's so tender and beautiful! A mother's caress is so warm and peaceful; and absolutely nothing can match it's purity.  

                                             Photo by liana mikah on unsplash

Definitely it comes with new responsibilities, sleepless nights, baby blues, feelings of overburdened, no personal care, lack of motivation, low self-esteem, and hate for the body. And we are still expected to be perfect moms. Isn't it! Motherhood and perfection don't go together.  Motherhood doesn't require perfection, it requires your wholeheartedness to make and accept mistakes[again and again], without letting that feeling of pure love and joy fading away.

The world constantly triggers this 'perfection syndrome' in mothers, that we need to be a certain way to live upto being a 'perfect mother', and to raise 'perfect kids.' We as mothers are constantly under pressure for perfection. Aren't we?

Can you relate to the laundry list of things you need to do in order to obtain that 'perfect status' of motherhood. It's never enough, and is constantly changing. The worst part is this list doesn't look the same for all mothers. If asked, each mom will have a different perspective and idea of being a perfect mother. I always wonder what are we trying to obtain from this overrated statement, 'perfect'! Is it just a highlighted extension of our ego and being the best? 

The world make us believe that if we are succeeding at being a perfect mother, our kids will also grow up to be perfect kids. And we fall for it too! 

As a mother I have always felt this pressure of instilling this value of perfection in my kids- they need to be perfect in their behavior, perfect in school, at studies, walk perfectly, sleep perfectly, keep their room perfectly, should be perfect at other activities, and what not! Anything they do should be perfect. Can you relate? Then do share your part of the story with me in the comments. 

If you're constantly chasing perfection, I'm sure you must have forgotten how to live life athentically. I've stopped being a 'perfect mother', and to put pressure on my kids to be perfect. I realized that if I am too busy striving to be a perfect mother, I'm going to miss connecting with my kids in a real way.

Good teaching, instilling values, and perfection have all different purpose, they're not connected. Your kids' value is definitely not determined by how perfect their mother is, or how perfect they are! Our kids can still grow up to be good adults, even with the absence of perfectionism traits.

I always tell my kids, "if you fail, be patient, because you will learn new things and can perform 2x times better than before; but if you win, stay humble but don't settle; and start preparing for your next performance." Instead of trying to portray yourself as being perfect in everything, show them how being perfectly imperfect looks like. Be a role model to inspire them to be authentic and not perfect. Make thembelieve that it's okay to fail, it is definitely acceptable to make mistakes, to stumble, and to lose.

Don't question your worthiness as a mom. You're just doing great and everything you can! The world may tell us again and again to live upto certain expectations of perfection; but only you can choose what's best for you and your kids- and nobody else.  

  Photo by guille pozzi on Unsplash

Striving for perfection is robbing our future and stealing our joy. This is what I do, and you may too! 

1. Be present with your kids

Childhood is very fleeting. Do not miss out on your kids' childhood. Be more present with your kids. Try to put away screens, all kinds of distractions, multitasking, and just in the present moment with them. Watch, observe, and laugh together. 

“You will never have this day with your children again. Tomorrow they’ll be a little older than they were today. This day is a gift.” ~Jen Hatmaker

It is so important to create this easy small ritual of being in the moment, listening to yourself, and to your kids rather than aimlessly scrolling through your social media. Technology has the ability to suck us into its world and detach us from the people who are actually around us. So be a role model to incorporate this important habit of bringing yourself [and kids] back to the present moment. This is way more important and helpful than being perfect. 

2. Do something creative together

Creativity connects hearts, and creates more space for happiness, pure joy, and fulfillment. Have you ever imagined how 'creative people' connect and come together for a single reason- to create and to encourage each other who are on the same journey as theirs.

"Creating is believing." When you create, you (make) believe that creating fills you with some new positive energy that wasn't present before. This energy goes around creating ripples in the universe. I call this 'the power of creating.'

So imagine the kind of ripples you can create together with your kids. They will have a positive  psychological effect on their brain and their behavior, which is way bigger than perfection. Isn't it?  

3. Try to end your day on a good note and with gratitude

No matter how your day was with the kids; full of chaos, screams, stress, exhausted, or you failed as a perfect motherand kids failed being the perfect kids, just remember to go to bed with smiles and giggles on all of your faces. Try to end the day on a good note, warm hugs, and with a happy heart. 

Instead of teaching them how to be "perfect", teach them to be grateful for everything they already have. Gratitude will take over perfection, when they will learn to be patient, calm, and thankful.  

When they will see "perfection" winning, they will not get influenced to participate in that run, rather they will learn to wait. To wait for their time to achieve success. And when you learn to slow down, you will learn so much, and will enjoy your journey of "becoming."

Main Image Credit- Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

This are few of my best ways to help myself combat the urge to be perfect. Striving for something attainable will only lead us to low self-esteem, anxiety, and negative self-beliefs. Perfection is never about healthy growth and achievement. It's something that's been created by our society, and the social media makes believe every mother that by being perfect you're reflecting your best self.